Erwan and I have received an influx of communications from couples over the last few weeks as everyone adjusts to being at home together all the time. The combination of the deep triggers we may be experiencing, the off-balance nervous systems, the change in schedules, and the intensified focus on the day to day logistics is having lots of couples wind up with a shorter fuse than normal.
“Where is the silver lining in all this?”, we might wonder. Joni Mitchell says it well as she shares her thoughts on the value of long term partnership and the opportunity of conflict:
“I recently read an article in Esquire magazine called ‘The End of Sex,’ that said something that struck me as very true. It said: ‘If you want endless repetition, see a lot of different people. If you want infinite variety, stay with one.’ What happens when you date is you run all your best moves and tell all your best stories — and, in a way, that routine is a method for falling in love with yourself over and over.
You can’t do that with a longtime mate because he knows all that old material. With a long relationship, things die and then are rekindled, and that shared process of rebirth deepens the love. It’s hard work, though, and a lot of people run at the first sign of trouble. You’re with this person, and suddenly you look like an asshole to them or they look like an asshole to you — it’s unpleasant, but if you can get through it, you get closer and you learn a way of loving that’s different from the neurotic love enshrined in movies. It’s warmer and has more padding to it.”
There is a lot of talk out there about using this current challenging circumstance as an opportunity and taking action now for a secure future.
Erwan and I see the current state of things as an opportunity to deepen in intimacy with your partner and to actively learn new skills to secure a thriving relationship now AND for the future (vs passively white-knuckling it and getting by “til things go back to normal”).
Erwan and I love supporting couples in deepening their intimacy and learning these new skills; here are some of the things we cover in private sessions:
1. Recentering the body, mind and nervous system through guided meditation
2. Addressing the challenging dynamics at hand and bring clarity back into the situation
3. Guiding the couple through communication skills and some of our clothed touching practices to enhance the emotional and physical connection
Reply to this email or text us at 415-308-9580 if you’d like to explore working with us more deeply, starting with a free coaching session so Erwan or I (whoever you choose) can get more of a sense of what is happening for you and how we can help.