A woman’s guide to understanding the dynamics of low libido and how to get that “za za zou” back!
Today, we will cover a topic that many people often worry about but are too shy to bring up. As relationship coaches in San Francisco, one of the most common issues we help our students with is getting that “za za zou” back into their relationships, especially in the bedroom. When we dig a little deeper, it comes to light that many of our female students feel as if they don’t have the same level of desire as their partners do. If this is something you struggle with, please know that you are not alone in this, and it’s incredibly common. We call it mismatched libido, and it’s our commitment to help you not only understand the why behind it all but get you back to where you want to be.
Part of couples coaching is helping our female clients understand the biological, mental, and emotional reasons behind their low libidos. This phenomenon can feel confusing and scary, and, as women, we often feel like there is something “wrong” with us, especially if our partner’s desire ramps up and we are just not in the mood. It’s not that we don’t desire our partners; we just have a lot going on! Let’s break down the top five factors that affect a woman’s libido so that you can begin to understand and bring self-awareness into the equation.
#1: Biological Factors
Hormone levels have a massive impact on libido, but so do certain medications. It’s been proven that medications meant to stabilize our moods can directly affect our levels of desire, often nullifying them. What’s more, if you’re suffering from an injury or illness, your libido is likely going to drop. Our bodies are very in tune with these biological factors, even if our minds haven’t quite caught up to the reasoning.
#2: Mental Factors
Stress puts your libido on hold, and we all know that a busy life full of responsibility leaves little to no room for romance. If you have a full schedule, you’re probably not only exhausted but constantly worried about how you’ll manage to get everything done. After all, there are only so many hours in a day! What little time you find for something fun is often filled with distractions, like social media or mindless games on your iPhone. We understand!
#3: Emotional factors
Just like stress affects our mental states, it also affects our emotions. Similarly, emotional safety can have a considerable influence, as well. Past traumas, current relationship issues, and fear of failure to satisfy your partner can make it very difficult to get turned on. What’s more, if you struggle with self-esteem, you’re going to bring that self-conscious mantra into the bedroom, which means you won’t be able to fully relax and enjoy the experience.
#4: Relationship Factors
If your relationship is currently feeling strained, if you’re feeling unheard, or if you are constantly battling to get your partner to understand everything you have going on, it’s going to affect your libido. It’s essential to have a good connection and open communication with your partner so that you truly desire to spend time with them in the bedroom.
#5: Sensual Quality Factors
If you aren’t in touch with your sensuality, it’s near impossible to bring that into a positive sexual experience with your partner. For instance, you might be wanting a specific sexual experience, such as a soft and sweet bedroom session or something a bit more daring. If you bring these expectations into the bedroom without communicating them to your partner, you can quickly lose that feeling of being turned on. Women are very sensitive beings, and sex is just as much about the mental connection as the physical connection. In other words, the level of sensual quality can make or break the mood.
If anything from the list above resonates with you, we invite you to be proactive and seek help with these issues. You can join relationship coaches Alicia and Erwan Davon for couples coaching in San Francisco, and they can help you work through these concerns and get you back into the swing of things. They can also help facilitate dialogue between you and your partner so that you feel more comfortable asking for the experiences you want in the bedroom.
Our relationship coaching team in San Francisco will give you the tools you need to get your libido where you want it to be, all while learning tips and tricks to maximize the pleasure you can find with your partner. It’s time to prioritize your sex life for a truly fulfilling relationship!